Transitions in Marriage

06/17/17

Dear Future Family,

            A couple of weeks ago, in my Family Relations class, we were talking about transitions in marriage. This is a topic that interested me greatly because I have recently become engaged and was curious to see what my fiancé and I may experience or have experienced already as we make this great commitment to one another. At first, we talked about the obvious ones like closet space, cleanliness, traditions, new-found quirks and other things that just come with living with someone. However, as we got deeper into our discussion, there was one thing that was brought up that I had not anticipated or that had even really crossed my mind. Boundaries.          

            Now, these aren’t boundaries between husband and wife, although there are some of those as well. What really caught my attention was boundaries with family and friends. More so family for me.  My family and I are super close. We are that family where we loved to be with each other so much that a lot of the times us kids would cut our time with our friends short, so that we could be with our family more. Our family members were our best friends. I talk to my mom usually every day or at least 3-4 times a week. My sisters and I can be skyping for 3 and only talk to each other for 15 minutes during the whole call, just because we just like the fact that the other person is there. We are very close and now I hear that there have to be boundaries drawn between my best friends in the whole world and me. I felt a twinge of anxiety as it was brought up. However, the more that I thought about it, the more it began to make sense. I am choosing to share my life with one person. If we want to reach our potential as husband and wife, we must make each other our number 1. We need to be the most important person in the world to each other. We need to be each other’s best friend. While my family is still super important to me and those relationships do not need to be done away with, I also need to understand that my husband will need to come first in everything other than God. If I prioritize my attention and love towards God first, my husband second, family third and then everyone else, I will be able to maintain a relationship with God in which I can receive direction as to how I can serve my husband and make sure that he is second only to God and then my relationships with others past that will improve and be the way that they should. It is all about understanding what is most important and then being willing to sacrifice what you need to in order to satisfy the demands of what is most important.

            President Spencer W. Kimball, twelfth president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints made a remark regarding the relationship between husband and wife that I find very valuable. He started by quoting a scripture in the Doctrine in covenants that says, ‘Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart, and shall cleave unto her and none else.’ (D&C 42:22.) He then goes on to explain that:

“The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife, and neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse” (Teachings of Spencer W. Kimball, 310–11).

            There are so many adjustments that a couple must go through when they decide to marry and become unified. Some things are more difficult than others for some people, but in the end, the principle is the same. If you love your spouse only second to God, any adjustments and sacrifices that you make will be worth it and you will be able to have a marriage that will bring you more joy and fulfillment than you can imagine now.

Sydney