Family Culture

04/29/17

Dear Future Family,

          In a world full of conflict and controversy, it is nice to have some direction that can clear up some misconceptions that society would have us take in as truth. I would like to focus on one particular argument that has been around for years and I imagine will only become more popular as time goes on. This is a topic that is very close to me and that I take very seriously, but I understand that my views on it may not be parallel to what some may feel to be correct. Because of this, I will do my best to be sensitive and respectful of those who may feel differently.

          I love this quote from President Brigham Young. He said, “There are multitudes of pure and holy spirits waiting to take tabernacles, now what is our duty?—To prepare tabernacles for them; to take a course that will not tend to drive those spirits into the families of the wicked, where they will be trained in wickedness, debauchery, and every species of crime. It is the duty of every righteous man and woman to prepare tabernacles for all the spirits they can.” It is our duty to create bodies in which spirits waiting to come to earth can be placed in families in which they can be raised in righteousness.

          It is such a wonderful gift to be able to have children and to teach them correct principles. To teach them how to love others and contribute to society. The family is being attacked left and right. It is rarely seen as a great accomplishment to have a family. Of course there are still those who understand the importance of marriage and family, but it is becoming more and more rare. Many see children as a burden or as something that is of little importance. It is often overlooked that thoughtful decisions about how many children one allows to come into one’s family are some of the most important decisions ever made.

         

05/06/17

Dear Future Family,

Every family is different. We all come from different cultures and backgrounds, which makes each family unique. As children grow up and start to have their own families, they often begin to follow similar patterns that their parents set. Sometimes, if a child is conscious of some of these patterns early on, they don’t want to continue them in their own families, so they will try to change them.

In the end, every family is a system. Everyone in the system affects one another, whether they realize it or not. Some of the ripple effects that are caused in the system are good and some are not so good. It is important to recognize what kind of system you want your family to be, so that you can prepare early on to create it by either keeping things that have formed positive experiences in your own life, adding things that you liked from other people’s families or perhaps eliminating things that you did not find as effective in your own family.

Some things that I really appreciated in my home growing up was that my parents would always be very open with us as their children and they expected us to be open with them as well. This created an environment in which everyone felt safe and close to one another. This is something that I want for my future family. I want us to be close and to have trust in one another. I want to be able to be honest and open with my spouse and my children and receive the same from them in return.

I have seen families that are closed off and that do not talk and communicate with one another, and as a result, they never form that bond of trust. There is a disconnect in their relationship and it prevents them from growing closer together. This can often result in hurt feelings, dishonesty, lack of trust and ultimately distancing emotionally and/or physically.

It is my goal to create a family system in which there are patterns that emphasize love, trust, honesty, and other principles that help to bind a family together. To do this, I have decided to start a journal that will record things that I have heard or seen that I feel would be effective in creating the kind of family system that I want. That way, I can start preparing now to someday be able to have a happy family based of positive patterns that I have collected throughout the years.

I am grateful for opportunities to move forward and change for the better. It is in challenging moments of change that I know I am moving closer to my goal of becoming the wife and mother that I hope to someday be.

Until next week,

Sydney

          05/13/17

Dear Future Family,

Last week I wrote about family systems. I wrote how we all come from different families. Within these families, we are all different in that the traditions and cultures are unique. I would like to focus a little bit more on culture this week. More specifically, I would like to focus on the question that was asked by my teacher in my Family Relations class this week: “Are all cultures equally valid; do they all meet the same purposes with the same effectiveness?”

To answer this question, I would like to start by looking at a verse from the Book of Mormon. In Mosiah 1:5 it says, “I say unto you, my sons, were it not for these things, which have been kept and preserved by the hand of God, that we might read and understand of his mysteries, and have his commandments always before our eyes, that even our fathers would have dwindled in unbelief, and we should have been like unto our brethren, the Lamanites, who know nothing concerning these things, or even do not believe them when they are taught them, because of the traditions of their fathers, which are not correct.”

I find this verse very significant in identifying examples of culture. At the end of the verse, it is mentioned that the Lamanites, a group of people who lived in Ancient America, knew nothing of the things of God because of the false traditions of their fathers. The culture of their fathers brought them up in such a way that they were not able to enjoy the same blessings as those who were able to read from the word of God. Because of this, they lived lives that continued the traditions that they were taught within their family/societal culture and were not as receptive to the teachings of those who had the truth.

On the opposite end of the spectrum, the Nephites at the time were being taught a culture of love, truth, and divine guidance. They were being taught about God and how to treat one another in a way that brings joy and peace into their culture. They were taught to be obedient to God, love one another, study and treasure the word of God and other principles that allowed them to maintain a positive culture. By living in this culture, they were able to live lives that also continued the traditions that they were taught within their family/societal culture, but it allowed them to receive the truth and be guided by the Spirit of God.

This brings me to the third culture, that is, God’s culture. God has his own culture. The purpose of life is to discover His culture and then strive to live it every day. However, being human, we are all imperfect, so living His culture is very difficult, as God is a perfect being with a perfect culture. Because of this, he sent his son Jesus Christ to atone for us, so that we can be forgiven of our mistakes, and we can keep trying. This teaches us much about the love God has for all of us. Love is a key part of the culture of God. As we learn about the gospel and teachings of Jesus Christ, it gives us the opportunity to learn even more principles that we can live to help us understand God and His culture even more.

So, are all cultures equally valid? Do they all meet the same purposes with the same effectiveness? No. As we read with the Lamanites and Nephites, they had completely different cultures within their families and societies. One culture brought pain, suffering and darkness while the other brought light, truth, and happiness. Above all, God’s culture is the best one to live. The principles that it teaches will bring the most fulfillment and joy and will create the best people.

As I raise my children, I want to be the kind of parent that can raise them with principles of love, faith, diligence, patience, and others that will allow them to reach their potential and that will make them the kind of people that will want to encourage others to reach their potential as well. Culture is important. It is part of who we are, but it is important to recognize that who we are is also our choice. We choose the culture that we create.

Sincerely,

Sydney